#5: The Ole "Throw a New Character In To Spice Up the Show" Gag

"I'm really tired of you guys," said Aristotle.


"Why don't you all go find a new member for our Ancient League and give me some peace, eh?"


"Wait a second," said the Mayan priest. "You want US to share some of our benefits with a 'newb'!?"


So, those that could walk began to search the globe for a new member of their sacred league, which up till now had simply been a tax shelter for Aristotle.


First, they came upon a 'Native American'.

"Too 'Village People'," spoke Confucius. "Besides, you Euro trash assholes will probably give him some disease and then steal his land!"

Next, they met a cowboy.

"Umm...so...YEAH: Still too 'Village People'."

Then they came upon some Annie Oakley-type. "No chicks. We'd have to stop making dick and fart jokes!"

"I don't think so," spoke Confucius.

"It's so quiet without those guys," said Aristotle. "Plus, you wear a helmet and this guy's all wrapped up!"

As if from nowhere, pirates!

"You guys seem pretty tough. Wanna join the Ancient League?"

"Nah," said the Captain. "We're about to go do a spot on 'Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash'."

"Mighty cannon!" noted the Roman soldier. "Very mighty..."


"So did you guys accomplish anything?" asked Aristotle.

"We met some cool folks," offered the Samuri.

"Was there any cash left? That was the rest of our budget for this year after Bush cut funding."

"......................"

"Ah, %#@*!"