#5: The Ole "Throw a New Character In To Spice Up the Show" Gag

"I'm really tired of you guys," said Aristotle.


"Why don't you all go find a new member for our Ancient League and give me some peace, eh?"


"Wait a second," said the Mayan priest. "You want US to share some of our benefits with a 'newb'!?"


So, those that could walk began to search the globe for a new member of their sacred league, which up till now had simply been a tax shelter for Aristotle.


First, they came upon a 'Native American'.

"Too 'Village People'," spoke Confucius. "Besides, you Euro trash assholes will probably give him some disease and then steal his land!"

Next, they met a cowboy.

"Umm...so...YEAH: Still too 'Village People'."

Then they came upon some Annie Oakley-type. "No chicks. We'd have to stop making dick and fart jokes!"

"I don't think so," spoke Confucius.

"It's so quiet without those guys," said Aristotle. "Plus, you wear a helmet and this guy's all wrapped up!"

As if from nowhere, pirates!

"You guys seem pretty tough. Wanna join the Ancient League?"

"Nah," said the Captain. "We're about to go do a spot on 'Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash'."

"Mighty cannon!" noted the Roman soldier. "Very mighty..."


"So did you guys accomplish anything?" asked Aristotle.

"We met some cool folks," offered the Samuri.

"Was there any cash left? That was the rest of our budget for this year after Bush cut funding."

"......................"

"Ah, %#@*!"

#4: What Have the AL Been Doing With Their Time Off?

Since the world has been totally safe since March and absolutely nothing has gone wrong, the members of the world's most elite (and deadliest) league, The Ancient League, have all been working on their own projects:

The Mayan Priest has been going around the world, studying religions.



The Samurai has been looking for fights.



Aristotle has been reading (a lot).

Confucius has been catching up with his correspondence.


The Roman Soldier has been working on his extemporaneous speaking skills.


The Mummy has been watching marathons on TV (Little House on the Prairie included).


The Viking made a movie (he wrote and produced it also).


The Knight "discovered" Barq's Root Beer and claimed it for England, of course.


The Tribal Leader?


He's been taking night classes in Computer Science at the Community College.


THE END

#3: Sometimes Things Go Too Far (But Not In Today's Episode)

The Mayan Priest and Aristotle were having an argument.


"Nature does nothing uselessly," Aristotle said.


The Mayan Priest did not take too kindly to this.






THE END

#2: Drinking W/ The Ancient League

"I love you!" said the Mayan Priest.

"I stole the Knight's helmet!" exclaimed the Viking.


Aristotle plead with them.


Confucius had thrown up in the Mummy's sarcophagus (again).


The Samurai was looking for a fight.


Let's not talk about the Roman soldier and Tribal Leader


The Knight searched long and hard for his helmet...


until he found it.


THE END

Number 1: Funeral for Friend(s)

They had a funeral for their friend, who died in action.

The Mayan priest spoke beautifully...

and kept their attention.

The palbearers carried the body...

with Confucious leading the way,

until tragedy...


struck!


The warriors gathered around Confucious, blaming him for the faux pas. They encircled him...


while the priest and the knight said a prayer for their now-open-casketed friend.

The Roman soldier kicked Confucious in the head...

killing him.

So, they buried Confucious, too.

"I wonder what 'Confucious say' about that!" quipped Aristotle.

No one laughed.


THE END
Stay Tuned!